Just a Monday Night

What am I doing? Right now I'm sitting in my den (can't get used to using the word "den"). It's quiet. I've paused the dvr right in the middle of "So you think you can dance." Five dogs are in here with me, but it's quiet. Heidi's in the middle of a bed that is way too big for just her. Kenzie, with front foot wrapped in pink vet-wrap (hurt her toe), is laying in the bed beside her. Jersey, who stays too hot for beds, is laying on the floor very close, close enough that she is resting her head on Kenzie's bed.

Wait...Merlin just sat up...yawned and is staring at me. Since we've noticed each other I wiggle my fingers towards him as a sign to come here. He does, I pat his afro and now he's back to lay down. Bailey is behind my chair on the rug. I can hear the heater and my typing, but other than that, it's quiet. Kinda spooky, Merlin's eyes have rolled back and all I see are the whites. I stare at him, not wanting him to go. My eyes are tearing as I type this. No, don't want him to go. Want to keep him safe here with me. Me and the girls. It could be "the girls and Merlin." Not wanting him to go. Only good applications have been from far away. Great family contacted me today. They are probably the ones. His family......but I'm crying.....because I don't want him to go. "Gotta make the smart decision, gotta make the smart decision," I say to myself to convince me not to keep him...to keep Jersey's brother.

No...I don't want him to go. In this second all I know is that I don't want him to go. His feet are twitching and he's barking in his dream. Don't want him to go.